The Honor Project

“…in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Philippians 2:3-4

There are "friends" who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24


I can't believe I did this last week but I did.  I 'blew up' at a neighbor kid.  
Over the years her choice of  words have brought my kids home in tears on a weekly basis.  I have watched this 11 year old frequently torment her 8 year old sister, as well and have done very little.  Now I  witness my own children using the same tactics on each other as Rosie has done on them.


Last week my 8 year old came home crying hysterically.  Rosie had humiliated her in front of the neighborhood kids.  Ginny felt sure no one would ever play with her again.  This was the straw that broke the camel's back for me.  I stopped what I was doing (making dinner), and promptly marched to a house where the kids were and I blasted Rosie.  I did not yell but I did shock.  In all the years Rosie has known me I have never confronted her. I have always let the kids try to work it out on their own.  Through clenched teeth I advised Rosie I had had it with her meanness and told her how hurtful her words can be, even more so in the presence of other children.  All the while, I was choking back tears.  I didn't even give her a chance to tell her side.  After I had my exaberated say, I turned and walked away, tears streaming down my face.  Leaving in my wake a stunned group of kids.


I'm not going to lie, I felt a strange sense of satisfaction.  The feelings quickly turned to horror and embarrassment by my impulsive reaction as I learned the rest of the story.  Oddly enough, the kids had been arguing all day and were attempting to find resolution.  Unfortunately, no one knew how to find a solution tactfully nor amicably.  So harsh words were said and Ginny, my very emotional/sensitive little soul was deeply hurt.


All this caused me to pause.  Clearly, the kids needed to learn how to be true friends and needed to learn how to conduct conflict resolution.  What the heck did I know about conflict resolution?  I was an only child much of my life and never really learned it myself.  So off to the library I went,  checking out all sorts of books regarding friendships and handling conflicts.  In the process, I came across a book titled Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes... in You and Your Kids by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller.


As I started reading, I had an epiphany.  The real problem amongst the kids dealt with an ingredient important in all relationships.  And they were severely lacking it.  Sadly, I realized this secret ingredient was sorely neglected within my family, as well.  That secret ingredient?  HONOR.


Honor comes from the heart. It affects the way people think, the way they act, and the way they treat others around them. Honor gives us more constructive ways to interact with one another. It helps develop tolerance and patience. Honor builds incredibly strong bonds that, in turn, benefits all members within various relationships.


Later today, we will be having family time.  During family time we are going to start a project that will last a lifetime.  Rosie and her little sister will be joining us.  It will be called The Honor Project.